saint-louise's Diaryland Diary

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On the 12th Day of Christmas...

I just got a hit for �Ricardo Montalban wet bitches.�

And I showed up at work today wearing my sweater inside out. A co-worker had to point it out to me.

So that�s all kinds of fun.

In other news, I�ve been going through old photographs, trying to find the best ones from when my siblings and I were children, in order to make a nice framed collage for my father for the holidays. This has brought up a lot of memories, obviously. So, I felt it was high time to publicly apologize for some of the things in life that require sorry-ness, both old and new.

1. My heartfelt apologies to Nathan, one of the boys I went to a school dance with. I would like to acknowledge that our one and only date was downright hideous, mostly due to the weeping headcase known as Teenaged Louise. Thanks for your courtesy in the face of humiliating circumstances. Oh, and I�m also sorry that your sister was a complete, raging bitch.

2. Apologies also to Chet and Rewind. See #1.

3. And to Laurice and Susan. Also related to #1. Karma, you see. (However, I�m definitely not sorry to Kristen, although I�m sure she couldn�t totally help the fact that she was � and probably still is � a shrill, clumpy-eyelashed cunt with delusions of being at all remarkable. I�m pretty sure she should have been heavily medicated. And coming from me, that�s saying a lot.)

4. I�m sorry that I included a non-apology in this list of apologies. Old habits die hard.

5. I apologize profusely for My Hair, circa 1988-1993, especially.

6. I�m sorry for very high expectations. And I�m sorry for very low self esteem.

7. I apologize for using tinsel on the trees I had the first three years I was on my own. Not only because it is a crime against good taste, but also for the ingestion and subsequent rectal-dangling that my cats had to endure because of the presence of tinsel in my home.

8. Much regret for the time that I downshifted badly and caused soda carnage all over Cody�s parents� car.

9. I�m sorry I dropped Rewind�s head on the gravel when she passed out (after our car said crashcrashcrash).

10. I�m really sorry I don�t have a recording capturing the moments just before our car said crashcrashcrash.

11. To the waitress at that one Denny�s in Arizona: I�m sorry for all those times we purposely patronized your establishment just to leave you three pennies for a tip, as our protest against you being such a fucking horrible waste of human life. I should have left you at least four pennies. And a coffee mug of wee.

12. I�m sorry for saying �rectal-dangling.�

To punish myself, perhaps I should go out tomorrow night, have a few drinkies, and shake my hind thang. Doesn�t that sound terrible?

Trust me, kids. I�m the very embodiment of Contrition.

1:01 p.m. - 2003-12-18

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