saint-louise's Diaryland Diary
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Michiganish. Say it. It's fun.
I have much work to do. And you can see how hard I’m working on it. Typical.
So, hello! How have you all been? I’ve missed you so much that it hurts me deep inside. Like an oozing, raw abrasion on my tender little heart. While I was in Michigan, I would wake up at night, weeping inconsolably, so forlorn at being parted from everyone in Diaryland that I could only clutch my pillow and sniffle until I dozed off again.
Actually, I woke up grunting in annoyance and swatting at invisible garden spiders the size of dinner plates that were hanging from the ceiling, waiting to devour my face. Ask Rewind. Of course, it might have just been that I was only dreaming of the spiders, and the swatting was to get her away from me, since she does have a tendency to press her ass against whomever she is sleeping with.
Is that too much information? Yes? Well, tough.
Because I know everyone is dying to hear about it, how’s about we chat on my vacation? I’ll start off with the negative things I need to get off my chest about the upper peninsula of Michigan, and then we can carry on, okay?
* Sault Ste Marie, Michigan is very, very close to Canada. It’s so close, I couldn’t get a cell phone signal up there. And living without a cell phone is like trying to go on without my appendix. It’s a little weird, but ultimately I can survive. Of course, I wouldn’t feel the need to repeatedly check on the status of my appendix, in case through some freak of nature it happened to grow back. And my cell phone doesn’t look anything like a squishy internal organ. That would just be gross.
Then again, I haven’t even had my appendix removed, so this is a stupid analogy to begin with. Shut up.
* Michigan is hot. And humid. So much so that I wandered around the house, occasionally wheezing, “I want to DIE.” I was a barrel of laughs that way. Dad fairly kicked me onto the plane going home after a whole week of my whining.
But seriously, I haven’t experienced humidity like that since I moved from Saudi Arabia. I would take a shower, try to dry off, and realize that the towel was already moist. So I stayed moist all day. In fact, EVERYTHING was moist.
Yes. EVERYTHING. Even that. Yes, that too. And if you had touched that, it would have made you comment, “Hmm. That’s an interesting moistness. Interesting, you understand. Not anywhere near alluring.”
I promise. It would have panned out just like that.
* Detroit smells funny. And not funny-haha. Nope.
* We went to the beach off of Lake Superior. I really wish I’d gotten more pictures of that experience…the whole 20 minutes we stayed. There were mosquitos and black flies that rivaled jumbo jets in size, and they seemed to be having a family reunion of their own. One of them snatched a sandwich right out of my hand. Another tried to take off with my daughter. A third one seemed to be a little drunk and was making inappropriate advances toward me. I almost had to resort to fisticuffs.
After a group of especially rowdy mosquito larvae knocked over my sand castle, I told everyone it was time to leave. Sheesh.
Michigan state motto: Even our nature hates you outsiders – go home.
In our next issue: GOOD things that happened on Louise’s vacation.
2:56 p.m. - 2002-07-08
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