saint-louise's Diaryland Diary

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Weirdos in the mist.

Case Study #33963

Subject: Part-time writer.

Study File Summary: Most writing time is used up by consumption of coffee in large amounts, and devoting a lot of effort to looking cranky, making this a unique study case, as described further in “Study Notes” section below.

Study Environment: Candid photo sessions of the writer in her natural computer-centered habitat, surrounded by familiar objects to increase the chances of a genuine, scientifically-sound study. To replicate: a favorite wrist pad, useless power cords, sock monkeys, scraps of paper and napkins smeared with plot ideas and butter are most useful in this case.

Camera set to snapshots taken evenly every few seconds for a time period of three hours, from 8-11 pm.

History: The history of this study shows a series of shots of the subject with various scowls and exasperated eye-rolling expressions. On occasion, the subject has been known to pull one leg up to where she sits (in a chair that looks as though it has been ravaged by a small, feral animal) and rest her chin on her knee, looking morosely at what appears to be a small scrap of magazine paper. When the subject is asleep, we breached the habitat and examined the note. It was found to be a picture of lemon tartlets. Must investigate this further when time permits.

Study Notes: The first hour and a half of the experiment showed the usual series of cross and angry expressions, of which the subject has an amazing variety. I was not previously aware that someone could look generally pissed off in so many different ways.

Around 9:12 pm, we began to see a few cavernous yawns and some eye-rubbing, making this usually unpleasant character even more of a put-off than usual. I must see if I can reach a mutual respect with the creature to try to coax her out of those awful dog-ear hair configurations she puts upon her head when deep in thought.

At 9:26, we photographed the subject glowering into an empty coffee mug. And at 9:31, she was bent over in her chair, presumably searching for the Teddy Graham she had just dropped into her crotch.

The very exciting moment came at 9:34, when we took the first of several photographs like the one above. The writer settled into this position and maintained it for nearly a solid hour, barely moving. Please note the almost serene expression, which is highly unusual for a creature of this temperament, and the eyes that are nearly crossed in concentration. Pupils are rather dilated, and breathing was shallow and slow, indicating an almost hypnotic state. During this time period, the subject did not touch the lemon tartlet paper once.

After the subject regained regular movement and retired for the night (after mouthing the words “Piss off, wankers” into the camera, and then dropping her trousers with her buttocks aimed in our general direction), investigation showed that the subject had been lulled into near-unconsciousness by an internet banner showing a silver shooting star, which might be described as “way pleasingly sparkly.”

More to come. Hope this breakthrough gets us an extension on the grant. Keep your fingers crossed.

10:13 a.m. - 2002-10-08

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