saint-louise's Diaryland Diary
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Snowing.
Let�s see�
How do I fill you all in on my life over the past few weeks?
Ah! I know! Scattered thoughts, disconnected and half-finished stories, and a whole lot of babbling!
Right. To war, then:
I�ve decided recently that I need to move to a place with much, much, MUCH less snowfall during the winter. Okay, I�ll clarify: I�ve never really been a big fan of snow. Even as a youngster, I found it to be relatively novel and amusing, for a limited time only. But I never did build snow forts or snowmen, or engage in youthful antics like snowball fights, or pushing your friends into snow drifts when they least expect it, especially if those drifts are four feet deep and encased in a delicious, crunchy shell of filth from where ice had been plowed off of the street.
And then you laugh and laugh, and run away like a motherfucker when your friends threaten your very living soul with complete, agonizing annihilation. Because you�re a little bastard, to be honest. And you can�t figure out why your friends always carry baseballs bats all winter from then on.
Goddamn it, kids suck [1].
So. Yeah. I�ve never liked snow. It�s just not entertaining enough to balance out its inherent Crap Factor and make me okay with it being around on a consistent basis. So the decision to move to a place that doesn�t have any snow has always been in the back of my mind, but it just so happens that only this winter have I made a commitment to either a) move the fuck away from here to someplace with less snowfall, and do so as quickly as possible, or b) deplete the ozone layer to the point where global warming finally ceases to be a �hot topic� that people argue about (is it real? will it kill us all? I hate you! I hate you more!), and becomes something that finally makes my feet thaw out.
Option b) would require me to come up with a huge master plan, and build a secret lab. And real estate is just not cheap these days. I�d also have to get some evil supervillain clothes, which are � according to Hollywood � black trenchcoats, black boots, and black corsets that push my ample bosom up for all to admire and none to partake of, because I�m brilliant and evil to the point of untouchableness. Unfortunately, this costume also tends to be used by the Misunderstood/Misguided Moping Intellect And Eventual Reluctant Heroic Character, but if I add black lipstick, I�m sure that will seal the wickedy deal. Black lipstick always means reallyevilbad, possessedbydemons, sluttyvonslutslut, or rebelliousteenager.
But that�s not my point, although that�s never stopped me from wasting everyone�s time with several, almost completely unrelated paragraphs.
My point is the snow, and making it stay the hell away from me.
I haven�t been completely warm for nearly a month. The day after Christmas my power was out for 36 hours due to wet snow damaging power lines. Snow makes people�s brains and driving abilities leak out of their ears. I fell on the ice a couple of nights ago, and it pissed me off. There is often no where to park at school that is out of the snow. And I just really, really fucking hate skiers sometimes.
Aaaaand�I think I�m going to stop right there for the evening, and pick up my three week re-cap again tomorrow. I think I may have offended enough people for the time being. Although, for good measure:
Stupid bitches who drive SUVs.
I hate tapioca pudding.
The headwear trends nowadays make my bowels move.
That is all.
[1] Okay, if it is truly necessary that I had to add the �except mine, of course� disclaimer here, then you all have mush for brains.
Or something much worse. Like cream of celery soup. Or THESE HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE THINGS THAT MAKE ME WANT TO CLAW THE SKIN OFF OF MY OWN SKULL EVERY TIME I EVEN THINK ABOUT THEM [2].
Or, even worse than that, Celine Dion CDs.
So, let�s go with the assumption that your heads are not full of these atrocities that cause frolicking, happy kittens to be run over by cars [6]. Thank me later.
[2] Do you have any idea what I went through just trying to find a picture of those fuckers [2a] to show to you all?
[2a] My mother � bless her sweet, dear soul � has her own opinion of these STUPID FUCKING UGLY THINGS, and it goes something like this: �Awww. They didn�t ask to be created looking so hideous [3].� I tell you, the woman is not capable of disliking a single living creature [4].
[3] Strangely enough, I was thinking something similar [5] about Pink just the other day.
[4] Except for my Aunt Shirley.
[5] Similar? Why, yes! This is kind of like a choose-your-own-adventure, isn�t it?
[6] Not scientifically proven, but certainly conceivable. Because I said so.
5:16 p.m. - 2004-01-07
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------